Heart Eyes

Grade: B-

Heart Eyes harkens back to – and makes fun of – the slasher horrors from the 90s and early 2000s that had a splash of comedy. The casting is inspired, considering the genre and time period it’s evoking. Olivia Holt (from Totally Killer) and Mason Gooding, who has been with the Scream franchise since 2022, are the leads. We also have Jordana Brewster (from the Fast & Furious series since the beginning) and Devon Sawa (Final Destination, Idle Hands), now in their mid 40s, as police officers.

The opening scene is a proposal at a beautiful vineyard. The characters are endearing and interesting enough that I would have enjoyed a whole movie about them, but this is their only scene, hint hint. A masked murderer known as the Heart Eyes Killer has returned for the third Valentine’s Day in a row, to take care of couples. Now we are introduced to our real main characters: Ally (Holt) and Jay (Gooding). They get the exact same coffee drink at the local Starbucks-like place, and they bump heads when one of them drops something, and they both go down for it at the same time. Isn’t that cute?

Ally is a pitch designer for a jewelry company. Her latest proposed commercial (featuring doomed lovers like Romeo and Juliet, Bonnie and Clyde, and Jack and Rose) is deemed tone deaf and insensitive in light of the recent murders. The person the boss brings in to help her come up with something new is, of all people, Jay from the coffee shop. The two of them meet for a work dinner that night to go over ideas. It’s February 14th, and the Heart Eyes Killer is out and about, watching. Matters aren’t helped when Ally spots her recent ex-boyfriend approaching, so she plants a big kiss on Jay to put on a show and make him jealous. When the HEK targets them, there’s a funny running gag where they keep screaming “We’re not even a couple! Leave us alone!”

Like in Love Hurts, also out this weekend, Heart Eyes has kills and graphic, specific gore that is played up for shock value laughs. Jordana Brewster, looking like Courteney Cox from the Wes Craven Scream heyday, has a lot of fun. She and Devon Sawa have a nice “bad cop, worse cop” rapport. It’s 65% horror, 35% sweet romantic comedy. In the midst of a grisly public killing spree, Ally and Jay have enough downtime to exchange sad, traumatic backstories. Needle-drops include David Gray’s “This Year’s Love.” Nice to hear it again. I wish I could talk more about a humorous Scooby Doo type reveal, followed by what they find, or don’t find. I’ve always wanted something like that to happen in one of these films.

After a pretty definitive potential ending, there’s still 20 minutes to go. I thought I knew where it was heading, and would have preferred it play out that way – but there is still more horror to go, complete with every kind of Talking Killer explaining and monologuing imaginable. The “one year later” epilogue has everyone, narratively, picking up from right where we last saw them – as if nothing else happened in that time, and they’ve just been waiting around to continue the story. But it’s par for the course, and part of the self-aware fun. Heart Eyes has appealing characters and performances, solid practical effects, and ends with one final twist. Is it of the slasher or romantic variety, you may ask? You’ll have to see for yourself.

Grade: B-