Somewhere in Queens

Grade: B-

There’s an old bit from Ray Romano’s stand-up act that addresses the plight of big Italian family dinners. If you want a little bit more food, tell the host you don’t want any more, then boom: you get a little bit more. If you want a lot more, tell her (usually a her) you want a little bit more, then you get a whole plateful. There’s a scene in Somewhere in Queens, directed and co-written by Romano (who also stars), where his son’s new girlfriend is experiencing her first Sunday dinner with the gang. She naively asks “are there any more meatballs?” The hostess is in the kitchen not even a second after saying “let me go make more,” and the beast is awoken. “Oh, that’s ok, you don’t have to MAKE more.” The family pipes in: “Too late. You’re getting meatballs. We’re getting meatballs. The neighbors are getting meatballs.”

Somewhere in Queens is Ray Romano’s feature length debut as a director and writer. He calls upon his comedy and sitcom background, often to a fault. Everybody loved him for 10 seasons. In a TV show, there’s no problem that can’t be resolved by the end of a half hour episode, and the slate is wiped clean for next week. Here, Romano plays a father who pushes college, a potential scholarship, and other dreams on the son – and we sense this is more for him than the boy. Relative newcomer Jacob Ward plays “Sticks,” his son, a senior in high school. He is a strong basketball player, and dabbles in poetry. At one point, he recites a poem he wrote, about an athlete in the arena. He states that he often loses, but perseveres in the hopes that “one day, I’ll [mess] ‘em up.”

Sticks has been seeing an awful lot of Dani, who is his also a senior. They don’t attend the same school; they met at a basketball function. Sadie Stanley as Dani plays a shallow, one note character with commitment, and gives us more than the screenplay gives her. This isn’t a great movie, nor is it a character with much variation, but she’s obviously a talented actress who can add texture to a bland part. Now that we know she can do this, let’s see her do it with better material to work with.

I was already mentally preparing that paragraph halfway through the movie, but now, I need to add qualifiers. She does get to have an arc, which makes her contribution more meaningful. Performances are as effective as can be expected. The ever valuable Laurie Metcalf gets to shine as Romano’s wife. Sebastian Maniscalco, in the small part of one of the many background ensemble family members, is somehow better here than his starring role in the recent About My Father. This is one of those films where we’re supposed to think incessantly shouting over each other is funny, a party DJ unprofessionally cusses on the microphone for a hopeful cheap laugh, and the big game all comes down to a crucial make-or-break play in the last few seconds of the last quarter.

I am recommending Somewhere in Queens a little bit, because Romano has something to say. I think he has a truly great movie in him, even if this isn’t it. He just needs to either lean more into the comedy, or wise drama – and whichever direction he chooses, it should be more grounded in realism, instead of rote cinema tropes. If he can do that, then one day, he’ll mess ‘em up.

Grade: B-