Grade: D-
Gladiator II is what I call a Colander Brain Movie. I know I saw it. I can tell you it has actors and fights and Roman haircuts and Russell Crowe flashbacks and Paul Mescal never wearing a shirt – but there’s so little substance that’s left. Everything went through the strainer. It’s the most frustrating kind of film to see, because it makes me feel like something about me is broken. If I keep checking out during a movie, there must be something wrong with ME, right? Is Gladiator II bad? Maybe not. But I really hated it.
After Napoleon (which my colander brain had the displeasure of sitting through), this is the second November in a row to have director Ridley Scott dump a 2+ hour historical bloody action epic on us. As for Gladiator II, Denzel Washington is very strong. I’d support any award nomination he would get, and may even put him on my personal “Oscar hopes” list. It’s a funny dichotomy when I love a performance in a movie that I dislike equally as much. It happened with Colman Domingo in Rustin.
Mescal plays Lucius Verus Aurelius. A child in the 2000 film, he returns to Rome 16 years later to fight over and over again. That arena looks cool. I imagine there wasn’t much in the way of security, or locks on the gates in those days. If I lived there in that time, I could see myself slinking in late at night with my guitar/harmonicas to play a concert for nobody. Characters introduce themselves in the usual bombastic way, with all three names, followed by a lengthy description. Let me try. I am Marcus Aurelius Maximus – husband to Emilia Josephine, father to Edifus and Benitimus, and fur baby Ramonus Maxima – distributor of Altoids, salesman of biscuits, player of church worship music, and lover of most films. I will have my vengeance. What would your intro be?
Gladiator II and Wicked are taking up most of the screens right now. The latter is one of the better movie musicals I’ve seen. You have some other options at the multiplex, though; Heretic is fun wacky entertainment. The Wild Robot is still hanging in there. A Real Pain is the best movie playing in any theater right now, and it will be high on my top ten list. As for Gladiator II, my favorite movie review podcast says it’s basically Gladiator again. You could call it Gladiator Too. If that’s up your alley, have at it. When I saw it 24 years ago, I fell asleep.
Grade: D-
Film Reviews by Mark 
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