Spa Weekend

Grade: C

Spa Weekend had me thinking, “They can’t be for real with this, can they?” Nobody could make a movie this maladroit unless they meant to, right? I hope it’s a troll job, and it does feel like one. If you approach it that way, it won’t work you up into a frenzy of dislike. I did like Spa Weekend better than, say, One Night Only. I wonder if that will turn up as a blurb somewhere.

Writer/directors Jon Lucas and Scott Moore were the team behind the typewriter for Bad Moms and the Hangover films, which will give you an idea of what Spa Weekend is like. The plot involves four lifelong friends. I’ll get to the fourth in a minute, but the other three are Coco (Michelle Buteau from Babes), Jane (Leslie Mann), and Sophie (Anna Faris). Coco has booked a spa weekend at the Solaris Resort for the three of them. They would prefer not to have Mel (Isla Fisher) join them, as she is a bit much, but Sophie, ever the people-pleaser, invites her anyway at the last minute via text, hoping/assuming she won’t show up.

She does. Her worst offense, for me, is that she is loud. I already wasn’t liking the movie, but I was enjoying it more, particularly the quiet, before she showed up. The screenplay goes to increasingly more forced lengths to demonstrate how insufferable she is. She gets Sophie fired, though I’m not exactly sure what she did anyway. Sophie seemed to be some kind of secretary/personal assistant for a man in his mid-50s who overreacts like crazy and literally can’t do anything. Mel meddles in Coco’s relationship, calling her ex-husband to tell him there’s an emergency, just so he’ll come to the resort and they can hopefully talk it over and get back together.

Shenanigans after shenanigans ensue. Solaris Resort has incredibly inept security, for the hijinks the women are able to get away with. Villains become friends, and everyone is instantly persuaded just from one monologue in any given scene. After Coco’s ex-husband realizes it’s a false alarm, the plot requires him to stay on the property, so he does. The four lead women are obviously having a blast, and wouldn’t you know it: the ones who have been allowed to age naturally are the ones who look the best.

The “6 months later” epilogue has lines like “I can’t believe you’re [doing this for work] now,” to bring us up to date on someone’s new job. Spa Weekend has a few things going for it. It’s familiar territory, but it’s short enough to stomach. The locations are lovely; massages really aren’t my thing, but even I want to go there. Anna Faris still has the comedic timing, and I enjoyed a few of her deliveries. I can remember all four main characters’ names and backstories. It didn’t feel like throwaway exposition. I found it refreshing that there isn’t a clean-cut resolution to the Coco/ex-husband subplot. It’s left up in the air, and could go either way.

Was any of this enough to make me recommend Spa Weekend? No. It’s still lame as hell.

Grade: C